lifes.like.this

2012-01-08T03:35:00.002+08:00

I wish I knew exactly how lucky I am. All the time.
But even when we realise how fortunate we are, it is always at the expense of someone who is worse off.

New Year's Eve.

2011-12-31T02:00:00.004+08:00

So guess who has Barney as her bestfriend! I love how the soft toy (not so soft, actually) is larger than her.

We're back to that time of the year again lovely people!

The day we think about what we've accomplished in the past year, the day we make resolutions for the future.

The day you say "see you next year" when you actually mean the next day! :)

2011 for me didn't feel quite as good as 2010.

But still it was different in its own way.

I went on an exchange to Korea, had my first operation, graduated, did my first internship, got my first research position with an awesome professor, met many wonderful souls who I would love to keep in contact with, tried a new kind of love, learned more spanish words than I've ever known, finally made it to Tasmania, did my own tax return for the first time, finally wrote a poem after 6 years and more.

2012 might potentially define what I decide to do for the rest of my life.

After all, it's not the big decisions that define you. More often then not, it's the little ones that impact you the most.

Having said that, I want to continue making wise decisions in 2012. I don't want any failures.

2012 is going to have to be failure-free, because success breeds success.

I want to get healthy. I want to travel and see more of the world. I want to grow taller (I'm sure stretching helps, shoosh). Maybe, write more as well. Most importantly, I want to stay grounded and maybe let loose a little bit more. I want to be free of all inhibitions that are holding me back. And the list will be grow as the year progresses.

I want to wish everyone a Happy Happy 2012! Make it yours :)

a thousand years

2011-12-26T02:09:00.003+08:00

Just some pictures to tell the tale.

I am back for good and everyone has taken to asking me what my next step is. It's literally becoming a part of every conversation I am having.
Honestly, it is quite frustrating. I mean, if I knew I'd tell you!

I have absolutely no idea and I fear that I'd lose my drive if I wait too long to find out.
Maybe I'll take the leap this time round. Just like I did years ago when I chose to major in Economics. That went pretty well.

On a note of gratitude, thank you for everything grandpa.
You have given me everything. You are my role model, and you have made me what I am.
Even a thank you is never going to be enough.
I know you're proud of me

It's never goodbye.

2011-12-21T23:46:00.002+08:00

So HI blogger :)

It's been a while ay.
But it's never goodbyeee. I'm back!

Got back home for good a couple of days ago.
Finally got around to unpacking today. God, 3 years worth of stuff.
Wasn't easy at all, but I managed to do it all today!
There's nothing you can't accomplish if you set your mind to it, right?

Been playing heaps with Honey! My little honey bearrrrrrrrr.
You know every time I see her fall and pick herself up, it just reminds me about how adventurous we all used to be. And everytime she wants to get off a table or some high grounds she just takes the leap, knowing I'll be there to catch her. She doesn't hesitate, at all.
But now that we're all grown up, we don't take that kind of leap of faith anymore.
We don't trust as much, cos we have all been betrayed at some point before.
It's our experiences that mould us.

I guess we can't help, but be cynical. The world is just like that.
And, Happy graduation to me.

it is what it is.

2011-09-24T22:12:00.002+08:00

You read, you watch, you listen, you learn. And you're never the same person again. Never.

"maybe it's time for miracles"

2011-09-14T23:50:00.002+08:00

Back at crossroads again.
I feel like this was me 3 years ago, just the more accomplished version.

So what I going to do in 3 months from now?
I could be jobless and starving (I'm being dramatic, shoosh) or teaching some poor kids in Romania, or simply staying back in Brisbane to finish up a Summer Research program.

Who knows?

Be braver.

2011-08-29T23:01:00.005+08:00

That's what I need to be, more brave.

Shoulder to shoulder, hand to hand.

Eyes burning holes, as we prance.

Feels like eternity, we embrace the night.

When the sun rises, I will take flight.

"Would you give me a ring?"

2011-08-21T20:34:00.001+08:00

Rings are the only accessories i ever really wear, honestly.

L.

2011-08-20T16:56:00.001+08:00

There are some people who make you feel comfortable even when their telling you off, or being critical about something. They make you feel good in your own skin.
They led you to believing they are what you want them to be, and you're comfortable in their presence. It's never necessarily a bad thing.

I might be one of those people.
Just might be.

break even.

2011-08-09T00:59:00.002+08:00

I just don't want to go to bed because when I wake up, it's time to leave once more.

Honey bear turns one.

2011-08-07T00:52:00.002+08:00

Sure lighting, aperture, shutter speed is all important for good photography. But you know what's the most important thing? Capturing the moment for what it's worth.

Happy first birthday my lovely honey bear.

I want to celebrate all your birthdays with you, till the end of time (:

Love you muchosssssssssssssssssssssssss.

saranghamnida.

2011-08-03T23:37:00.002+08:00

Sometimes we spill words in the spur of the moment. Words we cannot take back.
Times like this, I wish I was back in Australia.
Thing is, I wouldn't have these escapades anymore after this year.
I am not so sure if I would like being tied down in one place, after having tasted the bittersweetness of travelling. And I am even more unsure as to if I should do something about it.

What is the next destination? New York? Turkey?

birthdays.

2011-07-07T16:31:00.002+08:00

It's funny how I can remember the presents I got when I was way younger, but can't really recall what I got for my 19th or 20th birthday.

make me dumplings?

2011-06-27T23:17:00.002+08:00

It's true I guess. When you haven't been around long enough, people do move on without you.

babycakes.

2011-06-23T10:06:00.002+08:00

Highlights of this semester (Yes, I know I still have 2 more papers before it ends).

1. my new job

2. alot of tutees = kaching! (I like how I am sooooo money-minded LOL)

3. Learned alot of interesting things at Uni, and accomplished heaps (which I might screw up in the next 3 days to come but still advanced metrics and freakonomics styled learning was rad)

4. I met the babycakes

5. Top 10 club

6. Found an internship for the month of July

7. survived (or will survive) the week from hell, cos I'm a winner.

NOW IT'S TIME FOR HOLIDAYS. COME SOON PLEASE.

L.

2011-06-21T22:56:00.002+08:00

I'm a fighter
I'm a fighter
I'm a fighter
I'm a fighter
I'm a fighter
I'm a fighter
I'm a fighter
I'm a fighter
I'm a fighter
I'm a fighter

I knew I had it in me :D

misery loves company,

2011-06-19T10:19:00.002+08:00

We're all in this together, but what you're feeling is just yours.
It's unique to you, so don't expect others to be feeling the same. It's usually never the same.

behavioural.

2011-06-16T13:59:00.001+08:00

BEHAVIOURAL ECONOMICS FUCKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

where I belong.

2011-06-10T09:22:00.002+08:00

HOMEHOMEHOMEHOMEHOMEHOMEHOMEHOMEHOME.

19 more days.

D.

2011-06-09T09:33:00.002+08:00

I made up my mind to give my all in anything I deem worth undertaking a couple of years ago.

No more slacking, no more losing.

Because mediocre just wouldn't cut it anymore.

I give my best, so I expect only the best in return. That shouldn't be too hard right?

time for miracles.

2011-05-29T22:00:00.005+08:00

I wish I didn't miss you as much as I do. It's ridiculous.

If I could do it all over again, I would. I long for conversations that engage more than just words. I am so sorry that we missed that many years together.

But time is something you cannot make up for.

I am sorry for being such a disappointment.

I am so sorry, daddy.

But familiarity is something we'll all run back to, just after awhile of straying.

behind those hazel eyes.

2011-05-27T22:53:00.002+08:00

You have to give up the way you want it, to have it the way it is.

That's just how things work I guess.

My time will come, and I will be rolling in it when it does.

Till then, patience is a virtue.

Oh! And Hangover2 was even funnier. I strongly recommend it if you have been busy with heaps of things or just have alot on your mind. Go see it, and laugh your ass off.

Too fun-neh.

2011-05-26T20:17:00.000+08:00

I do not want to become the outsider.

zebra fever.

2011-05-23T21:02:00.004+08:00

I will miss you Deborah :(

mel-burn.

2011-05-20T00:47:00.006+08:00

I feel like I'm running out of time.

stairwells.

2011-05-17T22:51:00.003+08:00

My song was out of tune, my voice was cracked,
but at least no chorus can ever sing it back.
That talk like this reaps no reward bewilders
no one--no one's legs rest on my sholders.
I sit by the window in the dark. Like an express,
the waves behind the wavelike curtain crash.

hit me like a ray of sun

2011-05-12T10:23:00.000+08:00

There are only 2 assignments standing between me and Melbourne.
Burn babyyyyyyyyyy burnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Dashing through the snow,

2011-05-02T10:03:00.001+08:00

Do you want a fairytale wedding too? You could take the first step by moving to England.

And if you have minute, why don't we go

2011-04-27T14:45:00.002+08:00

All it takes is just that one wrong step.

The whole world's just waiting for you to make that one wrong move, to see you fall.

Because once you start losing, it becomes a habit.

Happy rock.

2011-04-25T12:02:00.002+08:00

Arthur and Sandra.
Me trying to use my supernatural powers in Gladstone.
That's for you Kim. HAHAHAHAHA
How beautiful is the sunset?
Golden Chicken ftw.
Baby Sienna!

So that sums up my Gladstone trip. I am too lazy to put up pictures of the Harbour festival I attended. It was abit like the Ekka in Brisbane. But only alot smaller, but cosier, somehow.

Oh wells, twas amazing nonetheless! ILOVEYOUKIMDELOOOZE <3

happy goober

2011-04-25T02:41:00.001+08:00

GUESS WHOSE BACK FROM HAPPY ROCKKKKKKKK? :D

the notebook.

2011-04-21T00:15:00.001+08:00

"The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging and you have to act like you don't care at all"

Love is just a word, but you bring it definition

2011-04-19T12:23:00.005+08:00

Gotta love skypey!

Firsts.

2011-04-17T11:41:00.003+08:00

You will always remember your firsts, good and bad.

Your first kiss.

Your first fall.

Your first band performance.

Your first time flying a kite.

Your first time jumping out of a plane.

Your first time writing a poem.

Your first love.

Your first time cooking.

Your first time going to school.

Your first time falling out with someone.

Your first smoke.

Your first dentist appointment.

Your first time tasting alcohol.

There are just too many firsts. But you will still be able to recall most of them.

Some more readily than the others.

And you would usually associate the event to someone, a group of people, or something etc. Like your first love - you would never forget that boy, or your first time tasting alco - you're prolly going to remember who you had it with. It's just human nature. And when you relate that event to someone, then in the future you're prolly going to be doing it with someoneelse but in your mind that person is always going to be related to THAT event. It's just inevitable. That's just how it is.

panic.

2011-04-14T09:49:00.001+08:00

Nothing's ever built to last?

Really?

Bowler.

2011-04-11T20:06:00.001+08:00

I need a bowler hat. Like seriously.

My skeletons.

2011-04-10T16:14:00.001+08:00

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

How true is it?

Nerviosa

2011-04-10T10:13:00.001+08:00

I hate it when I have this urge to figure out people who obviously don't want to be figured out.

Script.

2011-04-09T16:00:00.001+08:00

If I can't see you guys, the least I could do is put you on replay :(
Don't have too much fun, those who're going.
Arghhhhhhh

Break even?

2011-04-07T19:47:00.002+08:00

I don't understand.
Sometimes we are meant to wait and think through our decision, other times people say time waits for no man.

So what is it exactly? Do you want me to think through or just make a decision and seize the moment?
I wish life had a guidebook that I could just follow. Because some mistakes can get very costly.
I think I need to be punished.

Love.

2011-04-04T10:47:00.003+08:00

After being so angsty yesterday night, I didn't want to go to sleep feeling mad.
Cause you get nightmares when you go to sleep feeling angry.

So I just sat up reading and just chilling for abit, before I fell asleep.
I thought about alot of things too - friends, family ... just life in general.
And I realised that I cannot thank God enough for all the amazing people he has blessed me with.
He must really love me. I was just thinking the other day that it would be okay if I cannot find someone who loves me to marry. That, I would just adopt a kid and be a single mom and do whatever. But last night, I changed my mind. Because I realised I have so much love in my life and I think I do want to marry and have someone by my side forever (or however forever lasts).

Like I always say, nothing is coincidence. If I have met you,there must be a reason. So everyone enhances your life in some way. Well not everyone. Some are put in your life as tests, to see if you can brave through whatever they throw at you (or take from you, like bread knifes). But things always turn out okay! (Like I found my bread knife today, it was stuck underneath a whole pile of his pans which was why I couldn't find it. He's still a bastard, don't get me wrong).

Point of this entry - I feel so loved and blessed. It's going to be a beautiful day. And all of you are fireworks in my life (:

P.s I tried to avoid cliches but I just couldn't It sounded to perfect for this feeling

hate it.

2011-04-03T21:48:00.002+08:00

For people who know me well, you know I'm very protective of my things.
I absolutely hate it when my things go missing.
I don't mind you borrowing my stuff, but you need to put it back before I notice its gone (which is prolly when I need to use it anyways).

If my bread knife doesn't turn up by tomorrow morning and I need to jam my bread, I'm jamming your face while I'm at it motherfucker

That should be me.

2011-04-02T12:56:00.003+08:00

Finally it is kicking in, what it feels like to be a real adult. Thinking about graduation and planning what to do after and wondering how your life would pan out in the next decade. No more just living for the day or living dangerous (well , I still want to skydive though).

Decisions, decisions, decisions.
Every action has a reaction, every decision made has a consequence.
There are so many things I want to do but I wouldn't bother stating it here because these are just for me to know only. Just for me.

On a different note, I think some people need to grow up or at least try to (at least I am trying).
If you take something that belongs to someone else, you really need to put it back at where it belongs straight after using it.

You know, there is nothing wrong in being elitist - I think I even practice it sometimes. However, elitism is only for those who are above and beyond at heart and brains - Sweetheart, I hate to break it to you but you're not. So please stop behaving like one? Because it really irritates me and gets on my nerves. It has nothing to do with where you graduated from or are currently studying at, it comes from within.
Just like how class cannot be bought or taught, it has to come from within.

Brolly, please?

2011-03-30T11:10:00.002+08:00

Hi world.

You know what I think, I think people who don't use brollies when it's raining either don't have an umbrella (which they should have cos hey, its bound to rain right?) or just don't give a shit about anything in their lives. Carrying an umbrella when it's raining does alot of things for you.
Protects you from getting sick, protects you from having crappy hair which in turn, is one less thing that is going to give you a bad day and the list goes on.

So WHY DON'T YOU CARRY UMBRELLAS???
People who think I-am-too-cool-to-carry-an-umbrella-although-its-raining-mad-cats-and-dogs should burn. Seriously. Get a bloody umbrella and bloody well use it, HEAR ME?

Okay, done ranting.

On a happier note, I realised I have readers from Belarus (where on earth is this country?), Germany and Japan even! Seriously, are these even real poeple or just .... bots? LOL.
I think the Malaysian ones are bots, cos they write in malay on my tagboard. But if you are real, could you comment please? So I'd know you're real and I didn't get egggcited for nothing :D

Okay, International bitchy Marketing beckons. Later, alligator(s).

Look after you,

2011-03-29T21:29:00.001+08:00

"If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency so hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate"

Chubbykins.

2011-03-29T13:37:00.001+08:00

Guess who can sit up straight now?
Sighs, she's growing way too fast.

Written in the stars;

2011-03-27T22:10:00.003+08:00

Is it a sign that I'm seeing so many of them around? Is it a sign????????
Because nothing is coincidence baby

‎"hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable"

JT

2011-03-27T13:50:00.001+08:00

It really is true I guess. Whatever you've been bullied for, or mocked at when you were young, is what's that's going to make you unique as an adult.

Too bad you don't realise it when you're 13. Oh wells.

Don't stop, make it pop!

2011-03-26T11:42:00.008+08:00

Overload of pictures warning. Don't say I didn't tell you!
From Springbrook CRAPfalls (hurrrr) with Kittykat, Max Brenners with Asheema and the papapappaarty on Friday night.

That is all.

Walk in the park.

2011-03-25T11:32:00.002+08:00

You know how we always wait for something to happen, or wait for someone to do
something first before you gather your courage to do it yourself?

Well, I think we shouldn't. We should just do whatever we want (make a weighted decision obviously, don't be stupid). Let's take walking across the bridge for example.

The sun is realyyyyyyyy shining in your face and you really should open the umbrella.
But you don't. Why, because no one else has opened the umbrella and you don't want to look like an idiot. Then you walk the whole bloody bridge that is like atleast a kilometre long and realise you're BURNT.

See, shouldn't you just have disregarded everything and just opened the umbrella?
Moral of the story: Don't wait for things to happen, make it happen - even if it means you gotta walk alone.

True story.

bumblebee.

2011-03-24T12:08:00.002+08:00

I think I need to learn to give people a second chance. or a third. or a fourth.

I think I'm a mean witch who refuses to forget what people did.
I try my best, I can give you that.
But it just doesn't happen for me.

I wonder why.

rocky horror.

2011-03-18T15:07:00.002+08:00

You know what type of people scare me the most?
Not the bitchfaces, or the ultimate liars or even two faced snake-types.

It's those that I can't decide if I like them or not.
Their nice, and then they do something I don't deem good-friend material, and then they do something nice again.

This group of people scare me.

Alot.

ruby woo-ed.

2011-03-17T15:26:00.001+08:00

Hazel eyes and ruby red lips
Red hair I want to caress with my fingertips
That smile of innocence jumps right at me
Like a sly fox ready to attack me
I’m just trying to catch my sigh
My heart is dancing in a moonlit sky
Don’t know why
I cry when heroes die
Do I know when?
This feeling is going to end
I have fallen into an abyss
Dreaming of the ruby red lips I can’t kiss
All my raging emotions dispel
An emptiness surrounding this southern belle
Will she turn and walk away
Just when my nerves are ready to fray
Or like a dozen roses wilting in my hand
Will she blow away in a puff like desert sand?
So how do I put out this fire?
Raging between despair and desire
And if I was looking for clemency
I’d wake up from this fantasy
As her ruby red lips vanish into the night
Blowing a kiss in her midnight flight

the love of my life.

2011-03-15T15:11:00.001+08:00

I miss you more than you knowwww chubbywubby.

Wants

2011-03-14T09:48:00.002+08:00

1. A new mini laptop (Just cause')

2. A new SLR camera (or anything remotely close)

3. Alottttttt of cash so I can travel to Fiji with the grandpa, Europe with Jolene, and go to Bangalore or London to visit Asheema.

4. A nice pair of broad shoulders to lie on

Where is my Santa, now?

Watching the shadows.

2011-03-13T16:24:00.002+08:00

First Queensland floods, then there's an earthquake in NZ and then it's Japan now.
Is the world really coming to an end soon as they all say?

Cos if it is, then there are alot of I Love You's and Thank You's and Sorry's that I gotta say before I go.

coincidence.

2011-03-12T02:40:00.002+08:00

Have you ever felt like you've known someone forever, even though you have just met them?

One more moment.

2011-03-08T22:56:00.003+08:00

Love.

Such a complicated word, isn't it?
It can be between anybody or anything. Regardless of gender, language, race or religion, apparently.

You see the person, your eyes meet .... and BAM.

Nahhhhhhhhhhhh as much as we all want it to be that simple, that's just not how it happens. hah

You need to hang out, get to know the person, know what he/she is made of.
There is a process to it you know.

So I met this person.
And this person is amazing.
The kindest, the sweetest, the best of our kind. A fighter, basically.
I think I like this person.

But I would need to tear down so, so many walls and make so many concessions just to be with this person. I am not so sure if I am ready to do that.
This is how it is I guess. There is a reason your heart is on the left, and not the right.

And time will turn to grey

2011-03-07T01:22:00.001+08:00

I never regret the things I have done. I regret the things I have always wanted to do, but haven't.

Miss you, want you, need you so.

2011-03-06T15:34:00.002+08:00

"Until you're back here baby
Miss you, want you, need you so
Until you're back here baby, yeah
There's a feeling inside I want you to know
You are the one and I can't let you go

So I told you lies, even made you cry
Baby, I was so wrong
Girl, I promise you now my love is true
This is where my heart belongs

'Cause here I am so alone
And there's nothing in this world I can do"

Back here by BBMak.
Gotta love this song.

creaming soda.

2011-03-05T23:08:00.002+08:00

Gold coast was fun.
Hopping on a bus and heading the wrong way and NOT panicking was good too.

I guess we all know it by now. You could get lost in a split second, but the good thing is you'll always find your way back (: Wherever that is.

Sweetopia.

2011-03-03T17:36:00.002+08:00

Something really really sweet came in the mail today.
I must say it really did catch me off guard.
You really did what you said you would eons ago. Unfortunately, I cannot reciprocate.
You left so many clues in the letter but I'm going to remain ignorant and not piece them together.
And as for the next 9 letters that are required for me to decipher the "message" entirely, I think I'd rather not because ignorance, is bliss indeed.

On an entirely seperate note, I felt really ugly today - inside, out.

banana pancakes

2011-03-02T15:10:00.002+08:00

Hola from Brisvegassss babys!

So I've finally settled down. I hate it that I always feel like utter crap on the first day.
But the second day is always better by miles.
But I'm still as lazy as ever though. Drank tea and ate cookies the whole day -.-
It's like a kid's meal according to Aditya! Lol his sucha loser. I'm happy he is enjoying himself in Alabama.

I did so much today.
Printed my notes, had a look at presentation topics for International Logistics (even though its ages away i think), did my infamous DEADLINE list of assignments to be handed in this semester,
had a look at the lecture I missed blahblahblah. Feel pretty accomplished.

Looking forward to this semester. It's going to be full of surprises and excellence just like its predecessors ... I hope.

TAKE CARE LOVELIES! will speak soon xx

p.s Really wanted to write a poem and almost did ... but then I just lost it. Somehow. I need to find that feeling again.

for this is where, I know it's home.

2011-02-28T01:02:00.002+08:00

I will travel the world.
I will go places and see beautiful things and have experiences like no other.

But I will come home.
Because after all, "a man travels the world to search for what he needs and returns home to find it"

See you in 4 months my lovely island.
You're humid as hell and make my hair stick,
but I still love you more than you know.

Leaving on a jet plane,

2011-02-24T20:11:00.002+08:00

It's time to leave againnnnnnnnnnnnnnn :( I know I know. I know I should be used to it by now. I am used to it! But you just can't help having that weird feeling.

I don't know what I'm feeling anymore.

If only.

2011-02-23T20:01:00.004+08:00

You’re so beautiful you take my breath away,

This world how cruel are they.

The heart is so fragile and is easily broken,

even without harsh words being spoken.

This world they see what they wanna see,

they have expectations and they want me to be.

But I have never cared about what they say,

I have always kept their words at bay.

My heart told me so,

But my head told me no.

You’re no good for me,

just wait and we will see.

But then I would lose everything,

Just to get lost in your eyes.

And I do want to say goodbye,

Just too weak to see you cry.

Labels are for soupcans,

and there is never enough love.

I am turning into those I deemed lacking,

And am filling moulds instead of making.

The contradiction you people sense,

is within me and is so intense.

It is eating me alive right inside,

And I’d do anything to have you by my side.

I wish we could go some place far away,

somewhere people have nothing to say.

A place filled with love everywhere,

And we will live happily ever after there.

I am finally writing after 4 golden years. I guess I have finally found my muse once more.
But I somehow I wish I hadn't in a tiny corner of my heart.
Don't hate on me, I am just fickle.

mane.

2011-02-20T15:44:00.002+08:00

So guess who isn't blonde anymore? .... ME! :D Kinda dark purple now. I'm going to have to do alot of word to maintain this hairstyle which I highly doubt I will. Maybe once in a few days.

Lo'real advert?
This was how I imagined it 2 years ago.

I think it actually looks better than how I thought it would turn out. Yay!

Today's the 20th February. In just 8 days I will be back in Brisbane :( I am looking forward to it and not looking forward to it at the same time. Like I said, I'm always confused. Now there are more things I'm confused about. It's like confusion is everywhere, you know what I mean?

You know what are my thoughts? If only changing our personality is as easy as hair color - I'd give it a go, really.

no regrets, just love.

2011-02-13T00:21:00.002+08:00

Drowning in a sea of confusion,
Hoping it's not just an illusion.
Flat on my back, looking up to the sky,
Floored again, I wonder why.

Drowing in a sea of confusion,
Sense of reality I am losing.
That generous smile, warm and kind,
Log-fire stove, fills my mind.

Leaving that sea of confusion,
Broken heart and mind's illusion.
Words unsaid, feelings remain,
Push to the back, carry on the same.

Living life with lonely emptiness,
Hidden feelings never expressed.
Thinking back, to the illusion,
Wishing I was, deep in confusion.

How appropriate, I'm always confused.

head in the cloud.

2011-02-11T00:42:00.004+08:00

It's been a long time since I've written a proper post and I probably whine about the lack thereof more than I actually think of something worth writing. I need a muse, badly.
So some updates: After Korea, India was next in line.
All I can say is, I left that country having mixed feelings. The income gap was very apparent and astonishing.

Now I am back home safe and sound, chillaxing, skyping, shopping, eating well and living it up. That's how I roll (; (Well I actually would quite literally if I continue with this lifestyle ha ha)
I was looking through my old pictures as I was organising my Korean/Indian photos and a walk down memory land could be well, refreshing but just as revealing. The world isn't changing, people are. It's fully up to you to keep up. Some of my friends I have pictures with ages ago, they are not doing quite as well as others. A friend in particular stood out for me. We could have been great friends - could have been. We didn't because she chose other things over me. You can't save people who don't want to be saved, can you? It sucks to watch but sometimes people need to end up at the bottom of the pit before they realise. Realisation is the first step to redemption - quote me. So basically, we are friends now but not as great. This is all random, but I just thought I'd write about it because being genuine is very important in a friendship. And it's not very hard to be genuine. Just mean what you say. And don't say things you don't mean. I am often guilty of the latter though, in all honesty.

Moving on to other things, Valentines Day is coming! I haven't actually celebrated it with a boy in 4 years. I'm just always single on Valentines Day. No biggie though, love is all around all year round, right? (: My love is in Spain! (be happy if you're reading this Irene).
And my big baby Chelsea, of course.
I wouldn't say anything about Daryl in this entry because then everyone is going to throw eggs at me.

Anyways enough of my random rantings, make it good with whatever remains of the week one and all!
Shine bright and rise above, just like the moon.
May the truth guide your feet and stories are saved for another day.

Let me be your hero,

2011-01-30T20:58:00.000+08:00

I can be you hero baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away .

good while it lasted.

2011-01-24T02:28:00.004+08:00

AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING.
Korea was bloody amazing. I think it's more about the people than the land though.
I mean how often do you get to hang and party with Spanish, Irish, Korean, Vietnamese, American, Australian people all at the same time.
I'll never forget the good times. And I'll miss most of you guys more than you know. All these feelings will subside as time goes by, but the memories wouldn't.

Hope to see all of you again someday, somewhere.

(; It was good while it lasted.
For now, it's back to shit usb internet and really bad hair days. nice.

It all ends tonight

2011-01-19T23:07:00.003+08:00

US NINJAS!
Just 3 weeks ago, I wanted to go home so bad cos I missed honey. But now, I've met all these people and gone places with them. We've forged a bond, and I don't really want to go home.

How now brown cow.

expectations

2011-01-11T00:24:00.001+08:00

Okay okay. I am judgemental and I expect too much.

Death.

2010-12-27T05:13:00.001+08:00

It's been 11 years since I've had a pet.
And the one pet that I did have, was just an angel fish.
It took me a few years just to muster up the courage to have a pet.
And even then, I dare not have a pet that I would get too attached too.
Just because I was afraid of losing it one day. Because that would break my heart.

If we're close, you would know that I like to keep my things for as long as possible. I try to attach value and affection to non-living things because unlike us, they don't leave regardless of the reason. They just don't leave. They don't die, do they?

When my angel fish passed on, I vowed never to have another pet. And I haven't had any to this date. Because I wouldn't be able to take the pain of losing it.
I didn't manage the pain, I ran away from it before. Therefore, I still have no idea how it feels like to lose someone very very close to my heart. I really don't. And I'm afraid to go too. The feeling of not being there. The feeling of being invisible and maybe, forgotten.

Maybe I'll run away from it again. Because death, truly does scare me. To death.

Never say, for-ever.

2010-12-17T03:38:00.001+08:00

Why do you make me so damn nervous and self-conscious?

Perfect sky

2010-12-16T00:16:00.002+08:00

This is bloody creepy.
I know I haven't updated my blog in days. And when I tried logging in, blogger was being a bitch. It was like "your password doesn't match" or something like that. I was freakin out. I mean I've had this blog since I was 15 or 16! (Hence the very very lame url, dont judge me).
And if it gets deleted I'll lose years of joy, tears, writing, pictures, I don't know just ... everything. Although I know I don't update as much when I am in Singapore, losing this blog would be like losing an essential part of me. This blog allows me to clearly trace the changes in me. Just by looking at my writing ages ago and now, I can tell alot of things. If you bother, you can too but that's not the point here though, haha.

The reason I haven't been blogging as much: It's like the second I land in Singapore, my ability to write or think just goes out the window! Oh well.
Met Brammie twiceeee this week! She makes me sooooo happy in the most non-lesbo way. True story.

I have something to say about Koreans but I think it would be wise to hold back at this point.

Twilight.

2010-12-01T02:46:00.002+08:00

Soft, set back and perfectly dropped.

21

2010-11-22T01:34:00.002+08:00

I'm so glad for everything that I have.
21 feels a little bit weird. All of a sudden, I just feel so much older.
Sometimes I harbour thoughts of being a child all over again. I'm going to let go of it, and embrace the 21 years of existence and the experiences that I've had along with it. I want to be more brave and confident in the things. I need to dare to dream, dare to live.
Happy 21st to me. Thank you one and all for coming and sharing this occasion with me. I really do appreciate it. As I embark on this journey of adulthood proper, I hope to appreciate every breath that I'm given.

The way.

2010-11-19T00:52:00.002+08:00

Okay guys, just remember once you get off the bus you will be walking in the opposite direction from the direction of the bus! So you walk straight and then you make a right turn in accordingly. As you can see from the picture, this is followed by a left turn (the first turn you see) and then another right turn! (by this time round you can already hear music playing and all).
It should take you 4 minutes to get to mine from the bus stop. If you don't ...

THAN YOU'RE LOST :(

love attack;

2010-11-17T23:06:00.001+08:00

Don't be so stunned, love. I love you muchiexxzzzzzzz

Royal Blue

2010-11-15T12:43:00.002+08:00

I've waited so long for this day!
I finally get to squeeze my chubbychumchumkinssssssssssssssssssss
and she does frown. alot.

patience

2010-11-11T19:31:00.002+08:00

I love wasting time. It has got to be my most favouritest hobby yet.

dilemma

2010-11-07T19:55:00.002+08:00

You know what sucks about being at University?
People from all over the world come to study at a university (exchange included) and you're friends with them and stuff and then when they graduate they leave, and you would prolly never see them again or see them as often anytime soon (what are the odds of me travelling to Norway or Germany or New Caledonia anytime soon???) Goodbye Cecilie and Stine, I'll visit Norway sometime.
Jeg Elsker Deg!

And you know what else sucks? Finance 1. Ima slay you, bugger.

I'm lovin angels instead;

2010-11-05T13:10:00.003+08:00

You would think that a leopard never changes its spots. I couldn't agree more actually.
But maybe we should all look at the other side of things. Just maybe.

here I come

2010-11-04T20:34:00.001+08:00

3 down. 1 more to gooooooooooooo. bang bang bang bang.

OH AND A NEW ADDITION TO MY WISHLIST:

THIS IS REMEMBER - by Eleanor Roosevelt

I want this book so baddddddddddddddddddddddd :(

she said see you later boi

2010-10-30T23:57:00.005+08:00

Game Theory was a disaster.

But the movie after, The Town is a must-watch. Well since I wasn't going to get any studying done might as well have some fun at the movies, righto?

You know I used to have this friend. Boy-the-friend, sort of friend? Like not boyfriend, but boy-the-friend. So like he used to tell me that he wanted to be a b-boy (for those who don't know, breakdancer basically). We were like 15 or something. He was always like "breakdancing this, breakdancing that". And I used to tell him to forget it because it's just not the way to go in Singapore. I told him that he should just focus on getting through school properly and the usuals.

About 6 years have passed. He is now a part of one of the most established B-boy crews in Singapore. We have kinda lost contact already. But I was checking out dance schools and stuff and I found a related page on their website that mentioned this random b-boy dance competition. I clicked on it and guess whose crew is the main highlight and organiser. Oh well. I guess I just don't have a knack for seeing someone for who they can be. I always remind them of their place and their societal role. Are we making moulds or breaking them? I never really consider that.

And now Vic is all about becoming a DJ blahblahblahblah. And I swear I will never ever tell him not to persevere anymore just cos'.

everyday seems like i'm waiting for the seasons to change

2010-10-26T21:30:00.002+08:00

You know what you give up in exchange for discovering new horizons and living it up in a foreign land? You sacrifice time that you could have spent with people close to your heart.
You sacrifice the extreme familiarity that you would have still had, if you weren't away.

Grandma buys a new handbag, you're the first to know. Friend just broke up with her boyfriend, you're there for her straight away to hold her and tell her it's going to be okay. Uncle has a baby, you get to cuddle her in your arms and coo her to sleep. Your Dad's birthday, you actually get to give him a kiss and wish him happy birthday in real time instead of over the webcam. But if you're away, you don't get to do all this. and more.

For the first year, it's really hard for those back Home. But after that, they get used to it. It's only human nature to adapt. They learn to live without you. People move on, and when you get home you're just filling in the voids that you've left from months ago.

I feel like this is happening to me, somewhat. For those at home if you're reading this, please wait for me. I will be back, for good. Please don't get used to me not being around. I promise I will make up for it when I'm home. I'm worth it, I promise (;

And why am I thinking of these and being all emo right now? Yeah, you guessed it right. Bloody exams. What else would it be, right?

empire state of mind

2010-10-25T19:14:00.003+08:00

Don't let anything or anyone validate your worth. Because you're only as precious as you allow yourself to be.

papapaaaartyyyyy every night

2010-10-21T21:23:00.003+08:00

are you coming? are you coming? are youuuu comingggggggggggggggggggg?
:D Well, come if you're invited! haha the only reason i would dare to put it up like this is because i don't anyone is even remotely interested in this space anymore. so just for my satisfaction and joy :D

make a wish right now,

2010-10-19T09:47:00.006+08:00

So alot of people have been asking me about what I want for my birthday right? heheheh
I thought i'd make a list and make it easier for you guys. How thoughtful of me, isn't it?

1. the new iPod touch (the smallest memory size would do)

2. Marc by Marc Jacobs clutch (i have one in mind, but you guys can let your imagination run wild and see which you think i'd like thats where the fun is right haha)

3. gift cards (my favourite clothing stores like forever 21, Topshop or bookstores like Borders. me like!)

4. mac gift voucher or bronzer (with the gift receipt though, so i can go change it if it doesnt suit my skin tone)

5. nice suitable maybelline eye mascara (remember my lashes are already quite long, sooo don't get the ones that make it even thicker. get the ones that make it longerrrrrrrrrrr)

6. nice headphones like this one! doesn't have to be bose though haha but a good one.
http://www.noisereductionheadphone.org/

7. the bigggg assssss balloons

8. BIRTHDAY CARDS IS A MUST THANKS

9. Marc Jacobs tote
http://www.hiddengarments.cn/?p=5021
maybe different design or colour but this orientation!

10. flying helicoper - make sure it is crash proof and flies quite high!

11. a nice good quality mike, with a filter that connects to my macbook baby

or anything else that you deem fit (:
Just don't get me anything I wouldn't have a use for like, a bear, or some random toy. Everyting else should be fine, i'll accept it wholeheartedly!

Love all you sexy people,
xoxo

maybe i am.

2010-10-16T23:34:00.001+08:00

How sweet.
Absolutely can't wait to get my ass hope for all this lovely people.

behind closed doors

2010-10-07T01:49:00.002+08:00

"This is where the chapter ends
and new one out begins
time has come for letting go
the hardest part is when you know"

I want to let you go. But the harder I try, the more I can't. This whole time I thought not being able to let go entirely is the problem. But now I know it is about accepting the fact that you are and always will be, a part of me. I guess it's going to work out better this way. Now that I can't keep up with you anymore, it ought to be a whole lot easier. I just hope I never see you again. Never, ever.

last something that meant anything.

2010-09-30T14:44:00.001+08:00

Generation Kill was great.
We all come out of it alive. We usually do.

beautiful like the rainbow,

2010-09-23T15:44:00.002+08:00

You know how I have a huge thing for having my name recognised for something. Like a star named after me, or you know things like that. Come to think of it, I wouldn't even mind having it written on the corner of some wooden plank for a tree top walk.

Mid sem break is finally here, like finally. Charlie St Cloud tonight, Byron tomorrow, study date with Kim on Saturday, grocery shopping on Sunday, get uni work done in the week and then Gold Coast trip next Sat. Absolutely can't wait. Me and Chubbs are always probably going to have a photoshoot to celebrate our years of friendship and for our 21st birthday!

It's going to be an epic 2 weeks. Oh, Ekka and Mount Tambourine trip pictures are already up on facebook! What are you waiting for? Go seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it.

who knew.

2010-09-14T21:59:00.001+08:00

There's a major difference between letting go and pretending to forget. Who knew?

my immortal

2010-09-12T13:51:00.005+08:00

Ice city. That's exactly what it is. There's snow everywhere. Ice cubes, everything. I am stumbling across and slipping on the ice trying to find my way around. Lost and confused. No idea, no idea at all. And then there's a hand that stretches out to me. I look up briefly to see a boy in white shirt and blue jeans, cropped black hair with the most beautiful smile anyone can have. I just can't seem to figure out who it is. It seems like a whirlpool, the whole ground is shaking and he just grabs my hand and we start running. I guess I don't hesitate because I have got nothing to lose anyway. We seem to be running forever. Running pass mountains and mountains of ice, oh and houses are made of ice too. No one's around. Just the 2 of us.

We stop running. The ground isn't shaking anymore. I have got my feet on the ground and my head isn't spinning no more. I finally get to see his face properly. His dazzling smile in the sun just takes my breath away.

... and I woke up from this dream or should I say nightmare, wishing it didn't just take one breath away. I wish I just didn't breath anymore at all. I hate it that my heart still skips a beat as I am writing this.
Nope. No brownie points for guessing whose this knight in shiny armour is.

oh, reckless abandon.

2010-09-07T00:01:00.005+08:00

Someone told me once that there's so many ways to die trying.
These captured moments prove that right, don't they?

A moment, a love
A dream, a laugh
A kiss, a cry
Our rights, our wrongs

decisions, decisions.

espanol.

2010-08-27T17:45:00.002+08:00

An old picture.

I want to be able to play My Immortal on the guitar, so badly. Why must c#m be a bar code, pfft.
Marketing mid-semester's tomorrow. Wish me luck, earthlingz.

cuppycake.

2010-08-27T00:30:00.001+08:00

You know you're awesome, when people tell you you're not. Cause people don't usually mean what they say right?

:D

"I'm sorry. He irks me, He's irksome"

2010-08-22T18:20:00.002+08:00

Winter is coming to a close.

Well, it's still cold though.

My new addiction: The Mentalist.
Not as good as Lie to Me, but good enough to get me addicted. Plus Simon Baker is to die for. He is Australian by the way, like what are the odds right. Lie to Me main dude is Brit and The Mentalist's is Australia. Nice.

I haven't updated in the longest time because I just couldn't think of anything substantial to write. Or rather, I just didn't feel like it. I have sooo many pictures to upload but I'm procrastinating my life away.

Oh oh, my 21st is going to be held on the 20th November, dinnerrrrrrrrrrrr. So keep yourself free if you think I'm important! (and if you think i'd consider you to be important)